I am constantly scouring the internet for tips on landing an agent. Recently, I read something that I had never asked myself before. Would an agent continue reading past the first sentence? How about the first paragraph? The first page or chapter?

Oh, my, God. I don’t know. I don’t even dare to ask my husband what he thinks of the first sentence, paragraph, page, or chapter. I’m too scared. I’m so connected to the work that I’ve never looked at it as an outsider. However, looking at my work from the point of view of the reader is a must for success.

Now it is time that I do. Here is the (tenth) first page. I’ve made so many changes to this ms maybe it’s higher than ten new first pages. I am taking a poll. Would you keep reading? No matter what your answer, why?

The (tenth) first page of Amirah Diamond

Part One: Guardian Of Enemies
Chapter One, The Year 2025, Stonington, Maine

Georgia retreats her eyes to darkness. Sleep has come for her. It squeezes her chest and pulls at her consciousness—relentless in its nagging. “Come with me,” whispers nightly slumber. The arousal of the tiny hairs on the back of her neck sends a shiver over her skin. Her kitten, Dondy, trots across the oversized bed to Georgia’s neck. He wraps himself into a circle pressing his back to her chin and his face to her shoulder—purring.

Georgia slips into the dream that awaited her. Inside, she opens her eyes and turns her head to face an exaggerated shadow who’s beckoning her—a figure imposed by the brightness of a fireplace against a feathered writing-quill quivering in her hand. She fixes her gaze on the shadow’s darkness. Emerging from its obscurity is the black and ghostly umbra of a vision being described to her within her dreaming state—a message from the stone.

Georgia’s chest rises against the feathered mattress. Dondy raises his head. She exhales. He closes his eyes and continues to purr. Georgia bestows all of her attention to the shadow. She studies the shape on the wall. It resembles a storm cloud—emblematic of the stone’s destruction of her happiness and its promise of serenity in return. The shadow morphs to a blur. It seeks a new form.

For a moment nostalgia comes over her. Georgia sees the shadow as a white bulbous cloud against a blue sky. Her mind has traveled to a warm summer day where her younger self is laying on a blanket in the field behind Locket Manor, home, with Toby, Gaillynn’s father. They are identifying shapes within the clouds. “I see a horse,” Georgia pointed above them.
“That is not a horse, Georgia. I see an angel,” said Toby.

His face hovered over hers. His eyes blinked slowly as desire came over him. He leaned in toward her mouth and kissed her. He wasn’t looking at the sky at all. He was looking at her. He unbuttoned her blouse and pushed it open to reveal her breasts. He eyed them lovingly. His fingers pulled at the belt around her waist and he released her trousers. His hands roamed her body. Georgia welcomed his touch and moaned with satisfaction as his fingers found the inside of her undergarments.